We're Doomed: Cleveland Rocks edititon

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Some of you might not be sports fans the way I am. I have an undergrad with a Phys Ed major, and my favourite writers (Hunter Thompson, Bill Simmons, Chuck Closterman) all love(d) and write (wrote) about sports. Here is the link to how cursed the city of Cleveland is (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland_sports_curse). Its' pretty ridiculous.

So naturally, in the middle of the sumer, the culmination of the Republican process of picking their nominee will be in Cleveland. At this point, it has become pretty clear that THE DONALD will not have enough delegates to become the nominee. Additionally, nobody else will. Which begs the question.

WHAT THE FUCK IS A DELEGATE?

Let me take you back to Pittsburgh, 2008. I arrived in Pittsburgh having been told: "there are two staff members there. One has been there for a week, one has been there for two months organizing delegates and setting up the Western Pennsylvania campaign. Her name is Lauren Watts, and although we have lost touch there is nothing I wouldn't do for her.

Lauren was an organizer in New Hampshire in 2007/2008 for Obama, and they got their souls crushed when HRC came from behind to keep her campaign alive by Obama. In the aftermath, she was sent to Pennsylvania, which wasn't going to vote on Obama/Hilary for something like five months, to organize delegate selection. This meant that she went around Western Pennsyvlania, using contact lists of current low level democrat members who may have held office or sat on a committee, and asked them if they would go to Denver for the Democratic Party 2008 convention as part of the Obama team if Obama won their area.

Delegates are the people who are actually sent to the partie's convetion to vote for the candidate. For the past fifty years or so, they've had no influence, decision making, or power. They had been selected by their party (Democrat or Republican) to vote for a candidate (regardless of their person feelings/ideas), and for this generation every candidate has gone into the convention with enough votes to win on the first ballot.

So...you have to think about the kind of qualifications the party is looking for in a delegate:

• Can you travel to a political convention mid-Summer
• Are you willing to stand there and clap for your nominee while someone else casts their votes for you.
• Are you willing to stick around for a few days and fill seats for speeches
• Will you please not say anything so outrageous that it make national news
• Can you pay some/all of your own way.
• Will you do everything your State boss tells you to do?
• Will you volunteer for all of this?
• If you do anything against what we are asking for, your future in the party is over.

It becomes pretty limiting pretty quickly. Anyone with a job that didn't plan a vacation has to say no. Parents generally have to say no. Etc. Every delegate I ever met was an...eclectic and unique...individual that I would not want to put in charge of picking my outfit for the day, let alone the next Presidential candidate for either major party. By and large, every delegate is allowed to vote however they would like after the first ballot. So if their state went to Cruz, they vote for Cruz the first time they are asked to vote. Every time they are asked to vote after that, they can vote for literally whoever they want. I could theoretically go to Cleveland and become the Republican party nominee, there is no need for a person to have participated in any of the voting so far.

So, THE DONALD is going to fall short of the 1,273 delegates he needs. Cruz will have less delegates than THE DONALD. Ultimately, this means that the actual selection of the Presidential candidate for the Republican party nominee will be done by delegates who are making snap decisions, who will be offered jobs/money/bribes and anything you can imagine. Picture a bunch of billioniares walking around a Best Western where they know the 40 Republican delegates from Arkansas is staying, ready to do whatever it takes to persuade these 40 individuals (who have regular jobs in their day to day life...a bunch of teachers/contractors/etc.) to vote a certain way for a Presidential nominee, and there is no way of tracking those conversations?

Also remember that THE DONALD has been inciting violence and offering threats, so assume that in addition to incentives, payoffs, and bribes, they will have beatdowns, private security forces, large scale fights and intimidation.

SO. MUCH. DOOM.
Coming up soon: If THE DONALD is offering the Moose Tracks of Doom, what flavour of DOOM is Cruz offering?

update: no really, you can buy delegates http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/04/politics/contested-convention-bribing-delegates/index.html