We're Doomed: Donald Trump Edition

Please ignore all previous writings about Donald Trump: the sky is very rapidly falling on our heads.

Donald MF Trump (THE DONALD) is likely going to be the MF Republican nominee for President. And Hilary FFS Clinton (HRC) is pretty much guaranteed to be the Democratic nominee. This sets up a race of THE DONALD VS. HRC, where HRC is going to be going through a very public investigation about using her personal email to communicate state secrets and top secret information.

Why are we in this mess? Let Rolling Stone explain:

All of which virtually guarantees Trump will probably enjoy at least a five-horse race through Super Tuesday. So he might have this thing sewn up before the others even figure out in what order they should quit. It's hard to recall a dumber situation in American presidential politics.

The sad truth: THE DONALD has locked up somewhere between 25-35% support in almost every primary state. With five candidates still in the race, 25-35 is enough to either win or get enough pledged delegates to maintain the lead he has established through to the Convention in June when the Republicans officially pick their candidate. There is a decent chance that THE DONALD won't accumulate 50%+1 of the delegates, which are needed to be automatically selected, but it's hard to see how the candidate going into the convention with the most delegates isn't the candidate selected. What's left that could stop him?

• Kasich drops out of the race.

• This guy is polling at about 5-10% in just about every state he wasn't the governor of. With him in the race, no other candidate will get to the 35ish mark needed to start beating THE DONALD. 

• Karl Rove and/or the Koch Brothers

• The Koch brothers are billionares that have rules the Republican party for many years, they essentially created the tea party.

• Karl Rove was the strategist for George W Bush, runs an influential and well financed political organization.

• If either of these guys/groups starts to significantly back Rubio, there is a chance that Rubio maybe pulls ahead of THE DONALD, but that would require Kasich to drop out of the race.

• Media begins to reject the premise that Trump should be taken seriously, and start to treat him like they did Sarah Palin when she passed her initial popularity and was asked serious questions that demonstrated her unpreparedness for national leadership. We listen to THE DONALD'S answers to these questions on issues of social identity (race, gender, sexuality, etc.), economic plans, America's role in the world, free trade, and ask ourselves if that's the future we want.

• Act of God. 

• Nope, just kidding: THE DONALD already publicly fueded with the Pope (THE POPE!!!!), and THE DONALD received more votes from Christians afterwards.

Coming up soon: why this news gets worse when you look at the general election between THE DONALD and HRC.

Edit: Fivethirtyeight.com provide a blueprint that might be THE DONALD, but it relies of Florida (OF COURSE IT FUCKING DOES). Floridians are notoriously bad at voting. This ends poorly.